Mooovies!

On Sunday James and I went and watched Red Cliff II. I can't understand why they aren't showing this two-part John Woo epic in America. It has everything - amazing sets and costumes, crazy battle scenes, a good storyline, and jokes that survive subtitles.

We had a fabulous trip to the movie theater, much more successful than last time: That was on New Year's Day. We went to see Changeling and I got to be the crazy white girl who ran out of the theater crying. I don't know what I was expecting from a missing child movie. But I wasn't prepared for little boys being dismembered in a chicken coop.

From now on I'm following my father's rule, which is no missing child movies - unless of course said missing child movie involves Bruce Willis dodging a fighter pilot who is blowing up a big rig on a freeway ramp. That is an acceptable missing child film.

"Can we watch something happy at home?" I sniffed as we walked back to the apartment, thinking we'd pop in Talladega Nights or The Jerk.

"How about Slumdog Millionaire?" James asked upon arrival.

"Is that happy?" I was wary.

"Fox Searchlight says it's the feel good movie of the year!"

"mm. ok."

While I mostly enjoyed Slumdog, my idea of "feel good" doesn't usually involve Indian waifs being blinded with acid by gangsters so they'll make better beggars.

James is well intentioned, bless his heart, but sometimes he just doesn't get it.

Anyway, if you're reading this from my homeland, rent Red Cliff when it comes out on video and watch it on a really big screen! And if you don't have a really big screen, take it to a friend's house. So worth it!

Sad Souvenirs

During my 10-year-old class, one of the vocabulary words in the reader was "souvenir."

Who knows what a souvenir is? I asked. They shook their heads.

"It's a special gift that you get from some place that is not your home. So we cannot get souvenirs from Nankan because we live in Nankan, right?"

They nod.

"Has anyone ever gotten a souvenir?"

Two hands shoot up. I call on Judy first.

"Wii."

"A wii-

"Yes because my daddy work in Shanghai, and he bring it to me from China."

The boy to her left looks eager to share as well.

"John, what did you get?"

"PSP."

"But-

"My daddy work in China too. And he give to me."

For a second I thought about explaining a souvenir is usually unique to the place it comes from, but immediately panned the idea. Too complicated. Plus, John and Judy seemed awfully proud of their "souvenirs."

When I started working my boss mentioned they had problems keeping students: The economy isn't good, she said, and a lot of the fathers found work in China. Some moved their whole families, my boss feared more would follow.

I know kids everywhere have dads who are far away for work. But there was just something sad about these two kids sitting next to eachother in my class raving about their video game consoles sent home by fathers they only see occasionally.

I feel bad for Judy especially. A couple weeks ago I started asking her if she was excited for her dad to come home for Chinese New Year. Yes, she was, she said. She knew what date and time he would arrive. Then last week she told me her mommy said maybe her dad can't make it. Missing New Year is like missing Christmas in America. Now I feel bad for even asking. She was clearly upset with the news.

Neither of Judy's parents made it to our Christmas show, both were working. Awhile back I asked the kids what their favorite thing to do was. Watch TV, play computer games, play video games were the obvious answers. But Judy told me "wash the vegetables."

Your favorite thing is to wash vegetables, really? I asked.

Yes. Because when my mommy come home from work she is tired. And my brother and I have to help her wash.

Judy is lonely. I can tell. And I really wish I could take her to a movie, and paint her toe nails and be her big sister. But I can't.

That's the thing about being a teacher I'm learning: It's so gratifying to see a kid grasp a concept and build on their knowledge under my watch. But it's a little heartbreaking to know something isn't quite right and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't like that.

Tough Question

During break a few of the girls in my 12-year-old class pressed me with this question. I'm not sure if they thought I was young and cool enough to give them a straight answer, or if they really were completely clueless. Bella was the spokeswoman for the group:

Bella: Teacher, what is slee wit yo modda?

Me: What? Sleep with your mother?

Bella: Uh-huh.

Me: Sleep with your mother? Like...sleep, s-l-e-e-p?

I wrote the letters on the whiteboard as I said them.

Bella: Yes.

Me: Oh. Um...

I took the whiteboard marker and drew a bed. On one side of the bed I drew a woman. And on the opposite side of the bed I drew another figure. They were both smiling. There was nothing improper or untoward about the scene.

Me: There! It just means you go to sleep with your mother.

Bella: Oh...

Letters to Leslie

I made my 12-year-old class write me letters using the new vocabulary they learned. Results were as follows (vocabulary words are underlined, spelling errors intact):

Dear Leslie,

We take turns to talk to the Chinese and you are angry. I'm sorry for you. I will fill up my apologize in a box for you.

That one was from Teresa. She's known to burp loudly in class and then give me a satisfied smile. She prefers that I call her "E.T." (like the movie). The other kids are always telling me what a brain she is. She's a fun kid. Her letter references the fact that two or three times per class I bark "NO CHINESE!" which makes them giggle.

Dear Leslie,

According to the teacher I can sleep. Can the kids take turns sleep? I fill up I bag with the book I am sleep in the class. Don't talk to me. I will sleep, when you take thie letter.

That's from the one boy in the class. Every class I have to threaten to take away his chair if he can't sit up with his eyes open. Not that I don't feel bad for him: The class is 4:30 to 6:30 on a Friday and he's been in school all day and all week.

Bless you fill up wallet with blenty of money.

An excerpt from Bella's letter. I'll accept that blessing.

Dear Leslie,

According to you said, where are you from, I know you live in America. We learn to take turns to play game. You fill up more happy. You wear yellow clothes in class.

From Annie. And it's true, I really like yellow.

Dear Leslien,

According to your letter say. You have runny nose. We go to look you, I friends and classment take turns to bring fruit and food and bring fill up the wather. but we go to you home in uniforms.

That's Michelle. She wont speak English in class unless I force her to.

Betty's letter included this lovely anime drawing of me.
I'd say it's a fairly accurate depiction, except I don't think I have a klingon forehead. And for the record, my boots are flat-soled and I didn't wear fishnets to class, I wore black tights.

Leisure Activities

This week's English chapter for the 4-year-olds was Leisure Activities: reading, drawing, fishing, hiking, playing computer games, etc.

I asked each of them what they like to do for fun. The answers were predictable - watch TV, play with toys. But when I asked what their daddies like to do it got interesting.

Roy: My daddy like to use a bathroom.

Me: For fun?

Roy: Yes.

Me: Are you sure?

Roy: Yes, he like to use a bathroom.

Roy was smiling and insistent. I decided I knew enough and moved on to Ivan.

Ivan: My daddy likes to drink a water. It comes in a circle, I cannot drink.

Ivan smiled mischievously, like he was saying something naughty.

Me: Your daddy likes to drink water? Okay. that's good.

Ivan: Yes, but I cannot drink. He can drink, you can drink peejioe.

Ah-ha! Peejioe, another one of those useful Chinese words I have actually learned.

Me: Oh! In English we say beer. Your daddy likes to drink beer.

Ivan: My daddy like to drink beer.

After this revelation, it was time to move on to mommys. The mommys had an easier go of it. According to their sons, the mommys liked to read, watch TV, and play with their kids.

Roy: Teacher Leslie, you mommy like to what?

Me: My mommy likes to paint pictures.

Roy: You mommy?

Me: No. No no no. I am not a mommy. But I have a mommy. And my mommy likes to paint pictures.

Roy: Oh ... You have a boy or girl?

After that, no matter how carefully I said it, Roy remained convinced I am a mommy. He probably thinks I'm withholding some strange and interesting little white playmate from him.

Incidental Brutalism

Building in Beitou

This building reminds me both of a canister of film and of the type of building we'll probably all live in during the post-apocalyptic era.

Terrible and strange, no?

Being in Taiwan makes me appreciate American building codes (height limits especially). Here, even "small fishing villages" are crammed with high-rises. In Taiwan's defense, there's 23 million people and not an overabundance of space. But being surrounded by gigantic towers of dirty concrete does tire the eye after awhile.

Lost in Translation: Laundromat

Everywhere I go in Taiwan, I see stilted English. Awkward menu items, obtuse signage - but nothing beats my laundromat. Clearly the owners didn't want to trouble anyone who'd even had basic English lessons with a little proofreading. The best I can figure is they plastered their walls with English words translated through an online program, no humans necessary.

Ever wondered what the family of a high-ranking military officer has to do with baking clothes? Look no further:

James' rough translation of the Chinese: "Pull door hard to open."

Garbage Sort

For recycling your pot bottle.

Only omnivorousness will save the planet