Alaska: A Real Place

I’m going to try my very best not to talk politics here. My awareness to the issues is only enough to allow the occasional living-room sparring with a friend. But as someone who has lived most her life in Alaska, I find it wholly irritating the way the State has been treated post-Palin nomination. Maureen Dowd called it an oversized igloo. A friend, and Obamaphile, told me on the phone Alaska ”isn’t even a real place.” Some reporter who interviewed Bristol Palin’s baby daddy’s mother described the woman’s home as “decorated outside with moose and caribou antlers … as many Alaskan homes are.” Ageh, I guess it’s more common in Alaska than elsewhere, but growing up in Anchorage I don’t recall THAT many antler-trimmed exteriors. There were a lot more “don’t rob my house, I’ll shoot you” type window stickers than trophy racks. Should I have occasion to interview someone outside their Los Angeles home maybe I’ll add: “a rhinestone-collared chihuahua and discarded botox brochures decorated the lawn … accessories common to Californian dwellings.”

Plus, everyone keeps describing Wasilla as a town “tucked between two mountain ranges,” which makes it sound like it’s hard to get to, when really it’s probably an hour-long drive from Uncle Ted’s Intl. Airport.

I can sympathize with the children of Anchorage who are probably humiliated about now by all the “Sarah Palin sure loves moose stew” baloney. When I was an Anchorage teen, I fancied myself rather cosmopolitan. We all did. And today’s kiddies - well, they don’t even have to mail-order their Abercrombie like we did! There’s a store! A STORE! In the Fifth Avenue Mall! Sometimes they even have the bare-chested models outside!

Anyway, I think before anyone writes Alaska off as an icebox or uhh “non-existent” they should keep the following in mind:

1. It’s frickin’ big! Size matters, y’all!

2. It’s the only place on American soil occupied by Japanese (Kiska and Attu Islands) during World War 2. No, it wasn’t a state then - but Alaska has been in the shit, k? It deserves points for that.

3. Oil: Kind of a big deal.

4. Despite the remoteness, Anchorage has a thriving arts scene. In high school I got to see Feet of Flames. If Michael Flatley’s arrival doesn’t legitimize Alaska’s state of enlightenment, I don’t know what would.

5. If Alaska was really so irrelevant, you’d think the contiguous U.S. would leave it alone, freeing Alaskans up to tap down on ANWR and drill, drill, drill - There. I’ve said too much.

p.s. I had to rewatch the entire You Tube Feet of Flames finale. I love that sequin jacket!