Christmas, Buxiban Style

Me with my oldest students. From Taiwan Christmas

The buxiban (cram school) James and I work at had its Christmas show Saturday night. It was essentially a variety show - tangentially involved with Christmas - with an ample dose of techno dance numbers, one of which we participated in.


My favorite skit was a Harry Potter play one of the Chinese teachers wrote. In the play Voldemort offers Harry a Christmas gift but first Potter must gather three magic balls for he-who-shall-not-be-named. To do so, Harry time travels to meet Beethoven, George Washington and a Snake (don't think about it too hard).

Washington learns he will be the first president of the USA. Celebratory chest thump. So thug.

In the end, Voldemort is foiled. And I think my students achieved a new milestone for incoherent fan fiction writing.

James and I gave a joint speech. He wrote it two weeks ago and I didn't look at it until the day of the performance.

"Hey, you gave me all the long lines!" I complained.

"No, I gave you all the good lines."

What James wrote for me: "Every year my family goes to the forest and cuts down a nice big Christmas tree. Then we take it home and decorate it with ornaments and pelts."

Once on the stage, I couldn't bring myself to tell dozens of Chinese families I come from a family of lumberjacks that tosses around ermine skins when it feels festive - though I appreciate James' humor - so I recited something closer to the truth.

On Sunday evening we went to the Christmas service outside Grace Baptist.

From Taiwan Christmas

The service was more of a sales pitch than a celebration of Christmas, but I guess that was the point since they seated us outside on the porch so that passersby could stop and watch.

During the service the pastor talked about Karla Faye Tucker who became a Christian in prison after murdering someone with a pickax. The reason he chose Mrs. Tucker instead of Jeffrey Dahmer, David Berkowitz, or Manson family member Susan Atkins escaped me. I mean, when you get busted for a despicable violent crime - isn't finding God just part of the bag? I hate to complain, but I really didn't need any pickax in conjunction with my baby Jesus during Christmas.

I have yet another Buxiban Christmas Show on Christmas Eve.

"Leslie, can you dress up on Wednesday?" my boss asked today.

"Sure!" I said. I was already planning on wearing a red skirt and a white cardigan with rhinestone buttons. Festive, no?

"Can you wear a dress?"

"Yeah. no problem."

"How about a - umm - Mrs. Claus dress?"

My boss then produced a furry red tube dress with a heart shaped neckline. The thing comes with a mini cape and white faux fur wristlets.

"I'll wear it, but the parents are going to think your English teacher is crazy," I said. Boss laughed good naturedly. What I really meant was, "I'll wear it, but the parents are going to think your English teacher is a strumpet."

I hereby retract all jokes I ever made about being overpaid here. Pictures to follow.