The Difference Between 4th and 6th Grade

A recent phone conversation with my 4th-grade brother.

"Hey how are you?"
"Good?"
"Whatcha up to?"
"Not much."
"How's school?"
"Fine."
"What are you learning?"
"Not much."
"Did you do anything fun this weekend?"
"Not really."
"What are you doing right now?"
"Watching the game."
"Do you want me to let you go?"
"Yeah."
"Okay. Bye. Miss you. Love you. Bye."
"Bye."

Total elapsed time, 2 minutes, 17 seconds.

A recent phone conversation with my 6th-grade brother.

"Hey, how are you?"
"P dumped me."
"Really?"
"Well I dumped her first, but then she cried at school. So then we went back out again and then she dumped me."
"When did you dump her?"
"Like around lunch time, a couple weeks ago."
"Brother, always, ALWAYS dump them at the end of the day on Friday."
"Why?"
"So then they can go home! And not cry at school!"
"Oh, okay. Hey, I have a new girlfriend."
"Who?"
"K."
"Oooooh."
"Why did P dump you?"
"Because J is her best friend and he dumped H, and P was just copying J. And now C is going out with this guy, R, and I don't really like him, he's kinda ... well he always gets in trouble and stuff. Oh, and now H is going out with B."
"What about D? Is he still going out with L?"
"No he dumped her."
"Why?"
"He said he wasn't ready."
"Not ready for what?"
"I don't know."
"Why don't you know! He's your best friend!"
"So! That doesn't mean he told me everything about what he's not ready for."
"Oh. Ok. What else is going on?"
"I had a sleepover at B's yesterday. G, D, J and M were there. Oh! And there was a dance Friday and I slow danced with a BUNCH of girls. H, N, C -- and some eighth graders!"
"Wow."
"Hey I wrote a new song."'
"Can I hear it?"
"Okay."
-he runs to get his guitar-
"That was really good. Hey how's school?"
"Fine."
"What are you learning?"
"Not much."
"Okay, I better go."
"Okay."
"Talk to you soon, miss you."
"Miss you too, bye."

Total elapsed time 23 minutes, 36 seconds

Five Things I Miss About America

I've been here a week and a half. The homesickness is mostly in check. I miss my family. I miss the O.G.s in Los Angeles (and by original gangsters I mean my wonderful 'SC friends), but I'm enjoying Taiwan too much to feel too left out of the stateside shenanigans. That aside, here's what I'm craving from the homeland:

1. Country music. Yeah, I know lots of you reading this back home wish they would send all the country music to Taiwan. I, however, laid in bed last night listening to this, this and this on my iPod. But I'm adapting and starting to take a secret liking to this.

2. Baby football. My brothers are dominating the 5th and 6th grade bracket for the Central Oregon Coast. I'm so proud of them.

3. Election season. I don't like waking up at 7 a.m. to stream the debates. And no one here wants to talk about it. James has an arsenal of preprogrammed answers for all my political waxings: His eyes glaze, his tongue lolls, "uh-huh," "yep," "I agree."

4. Sweatshirt weather. I'm told there is such a thing in Taiwan. I'll believe it when I see it.

5. The 7th season of The Shield. Okay it got way too soapy in the last two seasons, but I'm not a quitter. I need to know if Mackey gets thrown off the force, or killed, or what.