Home Just Got a Little Bit Closer

Last weekend was the grand opening of this two-story KFC located across the street from my apartment. A mere three blocks farther there's a two-story McDonalds - and across from that there's a three-story Blockbuster, a Pizza Hut and a Domino's.

When James and I walked in on Sunday half a dozen people shouted "MAYGUANLIN" (welcome) from behind the counter. They hurled this celebratory greeting at everyone who passed under the balloon archway and through the double doors for the duration of our meal. It was like a surprise party every three minutes.

I'm not usually a self righteous harpy when it comes to fast food. I will eat an extra cheeseburger just to spite those annoying people who carp about what it's made of. However, I have to say, I am deeply suspicious that KFC chicken is actually breaded with evil synthetic poison.

The first two bites were great, the rest were perfunctory, and by the end I felt incapacitated and nauseous. Medical experts might claim it's impossible to feel greasy toxic slime coating one's digestive tract. But they would have to be unfamiliar with the Colonel's secret recipe. I felt it, man.

On the upside, we were handed commemorative KFC salt and pepper shakers and a KFC finger basketball game on our way out.