Medical Diagnosis via Text

The power was cut at our office today so we're all working from home and I'm taking the opportunity to blog a bit. This is too funny to wait and I started working at 7 a.m. and will probably be working well past six, so that's my justification:

As some of you may remember, I had my first cancer scare at the visa renewal office. While I waited, I took my first look at the report from my immigration health check and wound up texting my boss so he could use the Internet and tell me if I was going to die from "bladder poly" or "scoliosis."

Turns out, I'm not. I have a janky spine and a blip on me organs, nothing interesting. This is just how the PRC delivers health info: There's no assuring voice, no explanation, just a stack of paperwork one functionary hands you so you can pass it to another functionary. And in the interim, you have enough time to peek at it and go, "oh shit, is that serious?"

This morning the tables turned, my friend Jess is in the visa office and texted me: "Omg what is sinus bradycardia? Google it! Health thing says I have it! Am I dying?"

To which I reply: "It means you have a slow heart rate. You'd probably excel at free diving, says wikipedia."

Her: "I do excel at free diving! I was just talking about that the other day - thanks!"

At least we all have friends to text message while we wait in that office. That significantly diminishes anxiety time.