Meet Ivan

I've seen all the boys in my all-male morning class reduced to big boo-hoo tears at least once. All my boys, but one.

Yes, everything is a really big deal when you're a little kid, but I'm sure the fact these boys all get to be the little prince at home has something to do with their outbursts. Getting to be first in line is huge, even if we're just going to the bathroom to wash hands. I threw a tantrum or two in my time, but not ever over getting first crack at the soap.

The non-crier is Ivan. He is also the non-smiler. I'm told he had a meltdown. Once. A year ago. It happened when the teacher tried to dress him up as a mouse for the Christmas play. He wasn't having it. Can you blame him? He wore his regular clothes for the performance.

I don't know who picked Ivan as his "English" name. To me, "Ivan" calls to mind a burly, Russian sailor, but the name suits him. He isn't a bully. But he has a stoic confidence about him that makes me think I'd want him in my corner of the sandbox.

Ivan's primary interests are ghosts and monsters. He reminds me of this at least twice a day.

Me: Okay students, can you say-

Ivan: What's this?

He points to my scarf, obviously disinterested in whatever I'm going to teach for the day.

Me: That's my scarf.

Ivan: Why scarf?

Me: Because it is cooooold (making the *brrr* motion).

Ivan: Oh. I like cold AND ghosts.

Or on another occasion....

Me: Today we are going to review office!

(Please, remember I neither wrote nor endorsed this textbook)

Ivan: Office have so many ghosts.

Me: Is that so? How many?

Ivan: One hundred ghosts.

Or a week earlier....

Me: Students, what animal do you like?

Ivan: I like monster!

Me: That's not an animal.

Ivan: Have monster at home.

Me: Really?

Ivan: In bedroom.

Me: Ooooooh! Did it BITE you?

Ivan: No, No ... I .... PSH, PSH, PSH, RRAAAAAAAH!

He pantomimes beating the tar out of a monster. Personally, I think he's telling the truth.